[Love Wants Sex Series 355]The pain that I dare not speak out…

[Love Wants Sex Series 355]The pain that I dare not speak out…


Transcript◆Liang Yingxiu

(Kuala Lumpur News) Each of us has the responsibility to work together to protect the rights and psychology of sexually abused children. The theme of this issue: Child sexual abuse is hidden in the dark side and needs more people to see it. It will also be divided into children’s perspective and parents’ perspective. Let’s talk about it in three parts: perspective and social perspective.

When a child is sexually assaulted, it is difficult to ask for help

Sex educator Zheng Zhenshan said that when encountering the problem of sexual assault, different groups will have some states and methods of dealing with it.

“Let’s talk about the children’s perspective first. The reasons why it is difficult for children to ask for help when faced with sexual abuse include that because they are young, children may not understand whether what is happening to them is appropriate behavior.”

She cited a news story that happened the year before last as an example: a 5-year-old child was invited by a 4-year-old child to play adult games and had the child lick his private parts. For a 5-year-old child, because his mother has taught him to protect himself, it is not right for his private parts to be touched by others. But if his private parts are not touched but are licked, is that right? The child may feel confused and realize that the behavior is wrong; but he may not know how to handle it, who to turn to for help, or even how to express his feelings in the moment.

Next, the relationship of trust is also an important factor. If the perpetrator is an adult that the child knows or trusts, such as a family member, relative, friend, or teacher, the child may fall into a conflict between trust and responsibility. He or she does not know who to trust and does not dare to take advantage of him easily. Breaking a relationship of trust.

If the perpetrator uses power or threats to control the children, the children will feel unable to resist or ask for help; they will be afraid of being punished or ridiculed by others after telling them, or they will think that they will be sexually assaulted as a shameful experience and will not want to tell them. The children are also afraid that they will be blamed if they tell their parents. They are also afraid of being criticized by others, or thinking that they have done something wrong, so they choose to remain silent.

Open dialogue in families reduces risk

When talking about the above-mentioned issue of the 5-year-old child having his private parts licked by his playmate, she pointed out that the child actually felt guilty himself. He prayed, repented and swore to God that he would never do this again in the future. .

“It can be seen that when encountering sexual assault, many children actually do not know how to deal with the problem or sort out their feelings. Therefore, understanding these reasons and establishing a safe and open communication environment is very important for children It is very important; parents and adults play an important role in this process, including listening patiently, believing what the children say and providing safe support and protection. It is also very important to provide professional psychological support.”

And what can parents do when they encounter the problem of child sexual abuse? I just talked about the perspective of children, but what do parents think and how do they deal with child sexual abuse?

Parents are the main supporters and protectors of children as they grow up. However, parents also face many challenges when it comes to sexual assault. They may avoid discussing sexual assault because they are worried about causing fear in their children; or they may avoid discussing sexual assault. Lack of relevant knowledge and inability to correctly guide children to deal with potential risks.

However, she said open dialogue and close relationships in the family environment can effectively reduce the risk of children becoming victims of sexual abuse.

“Children who are able to communicate with their parents and receive support are more likely to report sexual assault in a timely manner and receive timely help and support. Therefore, parents should actively establish an open dialogue with their children and let them know that they can report sexual abuse to their parents at any time. Talk to me dearly.”

As parents, parents also need to continuously improve their awareness of sexual assault issues, learn how to communicate effectively with their children, and strengthen responsibility and protection measures. Provide a safe environment for children to grow.

Parents calmly listen to their children’s feelings

She said, “Let’s assume that when a child is faced with the problem of sexual abuse, what actions can be taken to deal with and protect the care of the child who has been sexually abused.” Parents may feel helpless, angry, or frustrated in the moment, but please work hard to control your emotions so that you can calmly provide your children with the necessary support and security. Provide a safe environment for your child, listen to her/his feelings and experiences, respect their opinions, and do not interrupt or question what they are told.

No matter what their children say, parents should trust their statements and not make them feel doubted or not believed. Children are the foundation for building trust and support, and they also help children overcome difficulties more easily. When parents understand the ins and outs of the matter, the next step is to ensure the safety of their children and take necessary measures to prevent further harm. This includes calling the police, going to the hospital for a physical examination, or seeking assistance from social service agencies.

She reminded that at this difficult time, children need comfort, support and care from their parents. Parents should express their love and support for their children and let her/him clearly know that what happened is not their fault and do not feel afraid. Parents will always be there for you.

If necessary, you can also find a psychological counselor to help your child deal with emotional problems. Of course, as a parent, you may also feel frustrated, so it is important to find a support channel. These may include family, friends, religious groups, or professional organizations, with whom you can share your feelings, confusion, and ask for help and support. .

In short, as a parent, when your child encounters a sexual assault situation, you only need to stay calm, listen to your child, trust your child, provide safety and protection, ask for professional help, and provide emotional support and help.

Speaker: Zheng Zhenshan
sex educator

Social intervention, education, awareness and prevention of sexual assault

In addition to protection at the family level, intervention and education at the social level are also important components in preventing child sexual abuse.

According to data from the World Health Organization, approximately 100 million children around the world have been sexually abused. Many of these cases have not been disclosed and dealt with in a timely manner. This is partly due to society’s lack of awareness of sexual abuse and the lack of treatment for victims. due to imperfect support system.

“So, we need to first distinguish what is sexual assault? The types of sexual assault can be divided into ‘physical contact’ and ‘non-physical contact’.”

Witnesses must come forward

Zheng Zhenshan pointed out that physical contact includes: touching the private parts or private parts of children, forcing children to touch themselves or the private parts or private parts of sexual predators to obtain sexual satisfaction; coercing children to have sexual intercourse or anal intercourse or attempting to have sexual intercourse; having oral sex or sexual intercourse with children Attempting to perform oral sex; forcing children into prostitution, taking pornographic photos or videos.

Non-physical contact: showing children pornographic publications or inducing children to watch pornographic videos; the offender uses sexually suggestive or explicit pornographic content when exposing his private parts to children or chatting with children on the Internet, and encourages children to also use Chat in the same way; invite children to engage in sexual acts, such as using mobile phone WeChat to chat or engage in sexual acts on the Internet, and induce children to pose in sexually suggestive poses and film them, etc.

“After understanding the types of sexual assault, if you find that a child is suspected of being sexually assaulted, please come forward, expose and report such behavior to protect more children from harm. Having to suffer sexual abuse, It is extremely destructive behavior that causes profound harm to children.”

A strict legal system should be established

Of course, the government and relevant agencies should establish stricter laws and systems to protect children from sexual abuse and seriously hold perpetrators accountable. Everyone can become a guardian of sexually abused children, establish a complete support and rescue system, provide timely psychological and legal support to children or victims, and help them get out of the shadows and rebuild their self-confidence. This is what society should work together to do. direction!



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