[Love and Sex Series 382]Gradually settle yourself from the chaotic situation…

Transcript: Liang Yingxiu

(Kuala Lumpur News) Love and marriage often contain profound meanings to everyone. We long to be loved, to love others, to be respected and accepted, to be free, and to have a meaningful life. These can be said to be the basic desires shared by human beings.

Different situations require different responses

Registered psychological counselor Xie Peiyi said that when we meet love, we often hope to be treated wholeheartedly and look forward to experiencing a long-term and intimate relationship. In such a relationship, we trust and support each other, believe that the other person is our backing, grow together, and feel happiness. We hope to see better versions of ourselves from each other and are full of expectations for the future.

“However, suddenly one day, you may find that the partner you chose does not cherish the relationship as much as you expected, and may cheat on you behind your back and develop another relationship with someone else.”

A partner who was originally deeply trusting chose to deceive and betray. This kind of defenseless hurt is often unspeakable.

“At first, it may be difficult to believe this kind of betrayal, but as time goes by, various emotions of pain, resentment, confusion and unwillingness continue to intertwine. Why is it so difficult for some people to turn over betrayals in relationships?”

She said that this is not just about her own experience, but also about people’s thoughts and reactions to these experiences. Compared with uncontrollable events such as the death of a loved one, illness, natural disasters, etc., infidelity is a series of conscious choices and behaviors. Even if there is a reason, a partner who knows it will destroy the relationship still chooses to cheat. This is not only a matter of loving and being loved, but also involves a profound impact on self-perception, personal value, security, sense of belonging, self-esteem and self-confidence.

“Every person and every relationship is unique. When faced with emotional betrayal, we need to realize that different situations require different ways of coping and handling, and we do not need and have no way to compare ourselves with others. The degree of hurt of emotional betrayal often depends on “

Don’t blame yourself too much or doubt yourself

If you are facing a similar dilemma, let us start with a few common confusing situations, gradually settle yourself, and slowly heal. We know that infidelity is not uncommon in modern society, whether in a romantic or marital relationship. But most of the time, we still maintain optimistic expectations for ourselves and our partners.

“When it is discovered that the facts are not in line with expectations, the huge cognitive gap is often difficult to accept. You may start to question whether there is a misunderstanding, want to escape reality, and are unwilling to face and admit it. But if you want to get through this emotional storm, you need to Face reality and gradually find inner balance and healing.”

First of all, facing the person who betrayed you, you need to bravely recognize and accept the status quo of the relationship and face reality. You may be eager to understand why, your mind filled with questions, and you may be desperately searching for answers. You may try to piece together all the details, trying to figure out why the relationship has reached this point, and you may even wonder if this would not have happened if you had done so in the first place.

“However, these thoughts often cannot change the facts that have already happened. No matter how much you understand and how carefully you think about it, you cannot change the established facts. If you continue to focus on those things that cannot be changed, you will only continue to fall into The hurt emotions are full of unwillingness, self-blame and powerlessness, which consumes one’s energy. “

She emphasized that in times like this, it is important to maintain a positive outlook. “Although a partner’s infidelity is a deep hurt and betrayal, and we cannot change the past, we are free to choose how to define the experience and its impact on ourselves. We need to learn to analyze objectively and identify which problems are our own and which It’s the other party’s responsibility, what they can control and what we can’t control.”

“We only need to be responsible for our own responsibilities, without excessive self-blame or doubting ourselves, and we do not need to put all the blame on anyone. Emotional betrayal is usually caused by many reasons, and obsessing about blaming the blame will not do much for recovery. Help. We should focus on the parts we can control and learn from them what we can improve, and strive to have a positive impact on our future lives, rather than hurting ourselves by constantly looking back at things we cannot change.”

Seek support to help you get out of trouble

While facing reality, she suggested that you should also understand that this is a special stage, and the accompanying complex emotions may be triggered repeatedly, which is normal. Allow yourself to feel and accept these emotions without suppressing or denying your feelings, and give yourself time to digest and process them. No matter how strong the emotion, avoid handling the problem in a way that hurts yourself or others, as this will only make things more complicated.

When facing your partner’s cheating, you first need to stabilize your mentality and emotions and accept the reality. After you calm down, look at the relationship from all aspects. Next, you need

There are a few key questions to think about:

1. Can you still trust him?

2. Should I make up my mind to give up on this relationship?

3. Is this relationship still worth your continued efforts?

4. Does the other party show enough sincerity to redeem the situation?

5. Are you willing to work together to repair the relationship?

This is a decision that requires careful consideration. Allow yourself some extra time and space to make the best choice. She kindly reminds us that many times we are too optimistic and believe that as long as we make a decision, we can usher in a new beginning. However, the reality is that whether you choose to end or rebuild a relationship, there will be different challenges ahead.

“Whatever the decision is, we need to focus on ourselves and try to repair our sense of security and self-worth. When your sense of security breaks down, you may wonder if you can ever trust anyone.”

However, please remember that cheating is just an isolated incident. It does not mean that there is something wrong with your beliefs or that you are not good enough, nor does it mean that everyone in the world cannot be trusted. At this time, it’s okay to seek support and share your feelings, pain, and confusion with a trusted friend, family member, or counselor. Help yourself to release pain and get out of trouble through relationships and the support of others.

Actively participate in social activities

Recover quickly from emotional setbacks

Pay attention to yourself, including taking care of your physical and mental health, and maintaining a normal pace of life and interests.

Health surveys show that people who are active in sports and social activities recover faster from emotional setbacks.

Xie Peiyi pointed out that you can take this opportunity to consider some things you have always wanted to do but have never acted on, set short-term and long-term goals for your life, and gradually achieve them. Not only does this enrich your life, it also enhances your sense of self-worth.

Reevaluate expectations for intimacy

Additionally, we need to reevaluate our expectations and boundaries around intimacy. Regardless of whether you decide to continue the relationship, clearly communicate to your partner what behaviors are unacceptable and ensure that you receive the respect and care you deserve in any relationship. At the same time, continue to learn and grow to help yourself improve.

Hope these tips are helpful to everyone. If you are going through a similar dilemma, please remember that this is just an experience in life, and you can make appropriate decisions for yourself to rebuild the life you want.

Source link