[Love and Sex Series 352]Master the correct knowledge and face it with your partner…

[Love and Sex Series 352]Master the correct knowledge and face it with your partner…


Transcript◆Liang Yingxiu

(Kuala Lumpur News) Western research shows that many couples’ marital satisfaction will decline over time because there are more affairs and increased responsibilities; however, in old age, the marital satisfaction of ordinary couples will decrease. The increase is related to the reduction of their family burden.

In Western societies, the relationship between husband and wife is relatively equal, and there is rarely a question of whether men are superior to women or whether women have to give in.

Don’t wait until your wife gets old to take care of her

There is a study in South Korea that specifically focuses on elderly couples’ care for their significant other and marital satisfaction. This report points out that when the husband becomes the wife’s caregiver, the marital satisfaction between the couple increases, but when the wife becomes the husband’s caregiver, the wife’s marital satisfaction decreases.

This article also mentioned that in a society where men are superior to women, it is natural for a wife to take care of and contribute to the family, and when husbands often become their wives’ caregivers, they owe it to their wives, so they hope that Taking the opportunity to take care of his wife to repay his wife, that is to say, in his later years, the husband feels great marital satisfaction for his wife to take care of them.

Zhang Yujin, a doctor of psychological counseling, pointed out that the results of such a study will bring us what kind of tips?

“In fact, the husband does not need to wait until his wife is old, weak, or sick to take care of his wife; when the wife enters menopause, the husband takes care of her as a very important buffer. Maybe menopause is an obligation to increase the satisfaction of elderly couples!”

Another tip worth thinking about is that we must learn to be open to adjusting our roles when the seasons of life change, such as a wife changing from a caregiver to a caregiver, or a husband adjusting to a caregiver. .

This study also pointed out that it is a very important issue for couples to take care of each other in their old age. Especially in today’s society, many elderly couples may not have their children around, so the care of their spouses has become very important.

Sexuality is openly considered a male right

Some studies on the well-being of the elderly in Asia have also pointed out that the quality of the relationship between husband and wife is crucial to the physical, mental and mental health of the elderly.

In academic research, sex is a function and is regarded as the basis for quality of life and physical health. This view may be the mainstream idea in the West, but is this idea practical in Eastern societies?

She pointed out that in 2023, there was a study in China on women’s sexual experience after menopause. Most women still have very conservative views on sex. They believe that sex is a man’s need, and women have the necessity and responsibility to satisfy him. ; But in fact, in many societies, sex is openly regarded as a man’s right and a woman’s responsibility.

This study also pointed out that when couples encounter sexual difficulties, they usually find it an embarrassing topic and are less likely to discuss it with their spouse. Moreover, these postmenopausal women’s feelings about sex will be affected by their own She blames herself for her body shape and is worried that her spouse will have an affair, which will lead to feelings of guilt.

“There are a few things worth noting here,

Including if sex is based on “men’s rights and women’s responsibilities”,

Such a foundation will inevitably cause psychological pressure on menopausal women.

This means that when a woman cannot satisfy her husband’s sexual needs,

She blames herself, feels guilty or ashamed,

And when her feelings are not understood and instead she is teased or blamed by her husband,

The wife’s sexual desire will be affected.

In a society dominated by male needs,

Women are often the ones who need to make adjustments.

Or they are often regarded as the problematic party,

Therefore, this is worthy of our reflection. “

Communicating with your spouse when encountering sexual difficulties

She emphasized that when couples encounter difficulties in their sexual relationship and need to make adjustments and changes, they should face it together. Especially for menopausal wives, one of the most effective ways is to let their spouse know the difficulties they encounter; however, in our culture, it may not be that easy to communicate sexual difficulties, and you have to worry about where to start.

“My suggestion is to start by sharing correct and reliable menopausal knowledge, that is, share it on an objective platform; let husbands know about the challenges, physical discomforts, and sexual difficulties faced by their wives during menopause.”

She also reminded that when communicating, the key point is for the wife not to view her husband’s sexual needs in a blaming tone, but to help him understand his own struggles. The study also highlights that a woman’s sexual desire and energy can also be affected by changing life roles, such as caring for elderly parents.

Caused by multiple factors

Gray divorce is on the rise

Zhang Yujin also discussed the situation of elderly marriages from another angle, which is the increasing number of gray divorces!

Gray divorce refers to divorces over the age of 50. In the United States, one-third of the divorce rate occurs in middle age, and divorces in later years are also gradually increasing.

So what are the factors that affect divorce? A study in the United States pointed out that divorce can be “contagious”.

Wife has a higher chance of divorce

After comparison, we can see that remarriage increases the risk of divorce for older couples. In addition, in long-term relationships, wives have a higher chance of divorce than husbands.

Zhang Yujin pointed out that when talking about the divorce of elderly couples, financial independence is often regarded as a couple (of course, including young couples). When talking about divorce, the woman’s education level, family participation, financial independence etc., will naturally be regarded as recognized reasons. This idea is worthy of our reflection.

If the relationship is two-way, then what we should ask is that as society changes, when more and more women work outside the home and they achieve financial independence, what is the impact of the wife on the family? What is the contribution?

At the same time, what is the husband’s role and position in the family? Speaking of which, although the trend of gray divorce in Malaysia is not as numerous as that in the United States, what valuable lessons can we learn from the phenomena in these countries?

In Eastern societies, maintaining family harmony is still a very important value. In addition, men are superior to women, which is regarded as the main way for couples to get along. Under such circumstances, most women have to swallow their anger and submit.

“But in today’s Internet-savvy society, when people’s awareness of marital relationships has deepened and resources are abundant, can we still expect women to maintain family harmony by swallowing their anger and being submissive?”

Face challenges together

Zhang Yujin believes that maintaining family harmony at all costs is a rare and valuable value in our Eastern society. In terms of maintaining this aspect, when the relationship between husband and wife encounters challenges and difficulties, both parties should learn to face it together and make adjustments at the same time.

Finally, she reminded that couples are important pillars of a family, but when one of the pillars tilts, is the family still complete?

Therefore, she hopes that in this new year, couples will see the turbulence of menopause and find opportunities to adjust at the same time.


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