(Kuala Lumpur News) Having children and building a happy family is one of the life goals of many people. Many people enter marriage with full of longing and unlimited expectations, hoping to work hard with their partners to create a life of their own. However, in fact, we also know that ideals and reality are often two different things. Married life is full of various tests, such as welcoming the birth of a new life. Is it possible to make the relationship between husband and wife stronger? Or is it getting worse?
Disrupt the familiar pace of couples
Registered psychological counselor Xie Peiyi pointed out that although the child is her own biological child, if it comes at the wrong time, causing the couple to disrupt the originally familiar pace, will it become an alternative mistress in the relationship?
She said that according to statistics from a large-scale study on marital satisfaction before and after childbirth, the data show that most couples can indeed achieve a certain degree of happiness before the birth of a child; but after the birth of the first child, the relationship between couples declines. Mutual satisfaction often produces significant changes.
In the second year after the birth of the first child, the couple’s satisfaction with each other,
It has dropped by 37% compared to before giving birth.
Disagreements and hostility between partners tend to increase.
The investigation found that at this stage,
The pressure between couples mainly comes from the care of newborns,
Financial pressures, growing differences in values and views on parenting. “
In addition, if there are unrealistic expectations about marriage and childcare before marriage, and friction between the families of both parties, it will lead to a decline in the quality of the marriage.
According to a questionnaire survey on prenatal and postpartum sexual life status in Japan, it also reflects that the number of sexual intercourse between couples during the 1 to 5 years after the birth of the first child is reduced compared to before the birth. At the same time, Along with the decrease in sexual desire, sexual life satisfaction decreases; the main reasons are the hormonal changes of both parties, being busy taking care of the children, and the psychological impact before pregnancy and childbirth.
“Although most of the interviewees said that the frequency of sexual intercourse has decreased, they still have physical intimacy in their daily lives, such as kissing, hugging, etc. Some interviewees said that this kind of behavior can help them obtain more benefits in their sexual life. In order to achieve spiritual satisfaction, sex is not necessarily the only way to increase the intimacy between husband and wife!”
Generally speaking, after having children, a marriage becomes increasingly stable. However, is this stability necessarily inversely proportional?
She said that after entering into marriage, the familiarity with her partner increases day by day, and the relationship becomes stable, but the novelty disappears. The longer they stay together, the more obvious the situation will be, and they will also find that the sexual life between husband and wife is different. There are many challenges, such as after giving birth, it takes a period of time for both husband and wife, especially the wife, to readjust physically and mentally and adapt to life. At the same time, psychological factors cannot be ignored.
No one shares the growing friction
“Some wives have lost confidence in their bodies and are worried about losing their attractiveness due to the physical changes of pregnancy and childbirth, and thus fall into self-doubt; there are also a small number of men who will have varying degrees of psychological impact due to participating in the birth process, and even The arrival of a child will also disrupt the original rhythm of life.”
She pointed out that modern people’s lives are already busy enough, and they are also busy taking care of children and family work, which often makes people physically and mentally exhausted, and they have no intention and inability to think about the subject of “sex”. At this time, if both husband and wife can work together and adapt to the new changes in the family, the intimacy between each other can be more stable, and even if the frequency of sexual life is reduced due to busyness and fatigue, they can still obtain spiritual satisfaction.
“But if one party makes the partner feel that they are not fulfilling their responsibilities, no one can help share the heavy pressure and responsibilities, and the friction in life increases day by day, it will sow the seeds of disappointment and dissatisfaction.”
She said the relationship had become tense, and who would be interested in maintaining a sex life if they got angry just by seeing each other?
“Sometimes we observe that couples who have a bad relationship to begin with will have a worse relationship after giving birth to a child; and some couples who had a good relationship at first choose to put their children first after giving birth. Concentrating on taking care of the children for the Lord, they neglect themselves and their partners; some couples let their children sleep in the same bed or simply let their partners sleep in another bed or even another room. Such an arrangement will make the couple Losing the flexibility to be alone will also greatly reduce intimacy and happiness.”
Playing video games to fill up time
She said that when a partner becomes a roommate, or even a roommate, and only maintains the needs of daily life, we will find that the love gradually fades and the lust fades. However, with the busy daily life, there is more to fill in life. The choice of time, such as playing mobile phones, playing games, watching TV series, online shopping, fitness, etc. Many people may not care much about this situation. A marriage without passion and warmth can still continue to support it.
Of course, everyone has different needs for sex, and the proportion of sex in every marriage is also different. If both husband and wife are satisfied with the current situation, even if the number of sex life is not much, or the marriage is arcuate, it will not be the same. No problem, as long as both parties reach a consensus; but if one or both parties feel that there is something lacking, then now is an opportunity to find ways to work together and make changes for each other’s happy lives!
Create passion for life in daily life
Schedule 1 appointment per month
So how can we maintain and enhance the happiness between husband and wife?
First of all, we should pay attention to each other’s relationship. Are we happy with each other in daily life? Do you have any dissatisfaction or knots? Both sides should work hard to improve the parts they are dissatisfied with.
Xie Peiyi pointed out that in a long-term marriage relationship, the key to a harmonious sexual relationship is love, and intimacy is the foundation. “We must maintain our original intention of valuing each other and find ways to meet and respond to each other’s expectations.”
There is no shame in having sexual needs
“Generally, a common friction is the uneven division of labor in the family. If both parties can reach a consensus, it can prevent one party from being overworked. It can also be used to feel each other’s dedication, and the frequency of loving sex and the quality of life will also be relatively improved. .”
She said that we need to realize that a good sexual experience often requires continuous communication between the two parties and continuous attempts to understand each other’s expectations, needs, preferences, fantasies and acceptable levels.
“The emphasis here is on sexual life. The consent of both parties is very important. No matter what you want to do, you need to seek your partner’s ideas, respect and obtain the other person’s consent. There is nothing shameful in having sexual needs. In fact, it is just like eating and sleeping. A normal physiological need.”
She said that in a busy life, she should also try to create some freshness and make some different attempts in life, relationships, and sex in the limited time and space. Try to break away from your role as a parent and arrange a quality date once or twice a month. Plan carefully and leave your child with a trusted relative or friend. Prepare for the date as carefully as you did when you were in love. Of course, we must also face the reality of the situation well. When there is heavy life pressure and limited time and energy, there is no way to expect yourself to resume the frequent sexual life like when you were young.
If you have physical problems, you need to seek medical treatment
As age increases, sexual performance declines in middle age and menopause, which is also a common phenomenon. Even so, we can still try to create a high-quality sexual relationship and optimize the sexual life experience. So how do we measure the quality of sexual relationships?
“You can ask yourself whether you feel loved during this process and whether you feel happy. Of course, if you find some physical or psychological conditions during your efforts, you may wish to seek consultation from a doctor or a sex therapist. assist.”