How can you control your emotions and not get angry when tutoring your children with homework? Parents who can ask such questions are really good parents. They have realized that learning is their own business, and it is useless for adults to be anxious. They have realized that emotions are their own business and they need to make adjustments by themselves.
Parents all hope that they can be perfect parents and that they are willing to pay for their children. But the higher expectations parents have for themselves, it may arouse high anxiety in them. When children fail to meet their parents’ requirements, they will feel that they are a complete failure. So how many points of parent is appropriate? Parents can refer to the concept of “60-point mother” proposed by domestic psychologist Mr. Zeng Qifeng, that is, it is not necessary to be perfect, but to maintain appropriate anxiety is to be a good mother and good parent.
Why is anxiety appropriate? Today’s society is developing rapidly, and it is impossible for us not to be anxious at all. Anxiety as an emotion has its own meaning. Students with appropriate anxiety about exams can make them more focused during exams; parents with appropriate anxiety can make them value family education, pay more attention to their children’s growth, and be willing to spend time. Accompany your children, read and learn about parenting. However, when anxiety is infinitely magnified, it will give parents terrifying imaginations about the future, as if every step today has a decisive significance for the future. In particular, the single value orientation has forced parents to transform family education into simple “tutoring homework”, “online classes”, and “getting 100 points on exams”, and it will never end. As a result, parents cannot see the small progress of their children and do not believe in their ability to self-correct. Parents try their best to plan in advance for all the difficulties and setbacks their children may encounter in the future to help them avoid pain. As everyone knows, the more and better parents do, the more their children lose. If parents take over the responsibility for their children, the children will not learn to deal with setbacks in life and learning difficulties on their own. Therefore, a good parent with a score of 60 is enough to provide children with basic satisfaction and basic control. Love is sometimes a kind of restraint.
How to maintain appropriate anxiety? First of all, parents should accept their own emotions, realize that they may be anxious about a certain issue, acknowledge this emotion, and see if they are thinking too much, too far, too negatively, and are overly anxious. Parents can try to talk to others or write it down, because when we reveal certain emotions buried in our hearts, these emotions will be appropriately relieved. Secondly, parents should do what parents should do. What should parents do? The “Family Education Promotion Law of the People’s Republic of China” clearly states that family education refers to the moral character, physical quality, life skills, cultural accomplishment, behavioral habits, etc. implemented by parents or other guardians to promote the comprehensive and healthy growth of minors. cultivation, guidance and influence. This means that as parents, we must untie ourselves from the chariot of single academic performance. Only in this way can we see more diverse children. Parents listen to their children’s inner thoughts, help them solve problems when they ask for help, and give them some reference advice when they encounter difficulties. But never replace him, even if he fails without taking your advice, that is his life. He needs to feel a sense of control by failing, trying, failing again, and trying again, and then learn to control his life. Finally, parents should maintain their rational understanding through learning and reading.
Positive psychology says that we must look at children’s growth and changes from a developmental perspective. Instead of focusing on problems every day, it is better to try to find exceptions. What is the progress of children today? Besides studying, what character strengths does he have? Only when the parents’ emotions are stable, their mood is good, and the family atmosphere is harmonious can their children have the energy to develop and be themselves.