How can we speak with “empathy”?Try talking to Siri

How can we speak with “empathy”?Try talking to Siri


Last week, I discussed empathy with my classmates. It went very smoothly. What is empathy? What is the difference between empathy and sympathy? joyous.

But when it came to the practice session, it was a bit hard to describe.

The problem is, your classmate ranked last in the class in the math test. Oops, he is very sad and complains to you. How should you comfort him?

——Don’t worry, if you pay more attention in class, your grades will come up.

——Don’t cry. You didn’t do well in the exam this time. Just pay attention next time.

Of course there is nothing wrong with saying that. But didn’t we teach a lesson? Empathy means “I understand how you feel”, “I see your efforts” and “I am willing to accompany you”. How come you won’t say this once you practice it?

“Listen more” and “pay attention” all imply criticism of others, which is not empathy.

But the children said that if they didn’t do well in math, they must have not listened carefully to the class.

I feel like the kids didn’t accept what I said.

I kept thinking about this issue after class, and worried whether the topic of “empathy” was too difficult for primary school students.

Taking a walk with Hu Shui in the evening, she talked about her recent worries, which was that her two twins liked playing with mobile phones so much that they were afraid of affecting their studies. But she doesn’t want to be a violent mother and doesn’t want to snatch the phone.

I said, “How about that? You can make an appointment with them about when you can play, how long you want to play, and you must take your phone back when the time comes.”

Hu Shui said: “We made an agreement, but we always drag our feet.”

I said: “Then we need to strictly manage it. Primary school students should do more outdoor activities and not hide in their rooms all day.”

After saying that, I thought, stop complaining about my classmates. My behavior is similar to that of my classmates in class. I just keep denying my friends and giving out all kinds of ideas!

So I immediately said again: “You have been worried about this recently (repeating the other person’s feelings). I really understand how you feel. Our child was like this when he was in elementary school (accept the other person’s feelings). I think you have always been very supportive. Those who take this matter seriously should be able to resolve it (recognize the other party).”

I asked her which of the two answers was better?

She said it was better in the back.

I found that it is really difficult not to deny others, not to give others advice, not to guide other people’s lives.

Two days ago, I was having a gathering with my best friends, and we were chatting happily. One of my best friends received a text message on her cell phone. It turned out that the teacher had sent her the results of her child’s midterm exam.

The atmosphere suddenly dropped to freezing point.

I quickly took out the knowledge taught in class and asked my best friend to practice it. Tell her that these words can be used immediately if the child becomes unhappy when talking about test scores when she sees her at night.

“I understand how you feel.”

“I see your efforts.”

“I want to accompany you.”

My best friend said it was impossible to say these words. She had already thought about it, and she must have said it ruthlessly. My daughter once complained that she would speak indiscriminately when she was in a hurry. She said that I had “chosen”, and the “chosen” ones were these ruthless ones.

I said, look at what a good baby you are. You said harsh words, and they still found excuses for you.

After chatting for a long time, everyone shared the case that the path of life is not determined by a test, and then my best friend agreed to go home and try my method. I didn’t follow up, so I don’t know what happened next.

In the second week of teaching about empathy in class, I reviewed the knowledge of empathy again, this time I changed the scene.

The question is, a classmate who participated in the 100-meter dash fell and was injured during the race and finished last. He complained to you that he was in a bad mood. How should you respond?

Everyone responded very well this time.

——I know you must be in pain.

——You ran to the end, and I saw your efforts.

——If you are unhappy, I can stay with you for a while.

Isn’t this a good point? A classmate said that she found that this is how Siri answered when talking to Siri. I don’t know if it is true, but I am going to give it a try.



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